Paul Ishwood dives into the world of the Strong Man aesthetic and how if needed we can all can shroud ourselves in a touch of autocrat aesthetic.

Pozzoli

As the year began, I could feel a change in the wind, a sharp gust from the west, blustery and somewhat overwhelming. When it finally settled, it turned into a fog, a hazy fog that hung over us with weight. This weight pressed down on our shoulders, pulled at the corners of our mouths, and seemed to seep into our very being, latching onto our hearts.

This wind has captured something unsettling: a thick air of unease, impatience, and discontent. It has masterfully woven together some of humanity’s least attractive qualities and solidified itself into a force, one that has found its home on the right. For those of us who, perhaps naively, believed ourselves immune, the wind has lashed at our faces but not taken hold. We stand here now, battered but not swept away, trying to navigate this new world order, working out how best to move forward.

For me, a man of a certain age, supposedly English, though who knows anymore, now that Suella Braverman and her ilk are questioning everyone’s lineag, the challenge is to find my place. I am someone who loves antique chintz, loose covers, hyacinths and tulips, and paintings. My home is a battle of pinks, lavenders, oranges, and blues, each vying for more landmass. But I know this aesthetic is out.

While this wind lingers, I have come to understand that when the tyrants come knocking, I want them to see a clean, respectable home, one where even Richard Tice or Nigel Farage might feel at ease. So, here are my tips for creating the ‘Strong Man’ aesthetic, something to keep the wolves from the door when we inevitably lose all the progressive ideas that once felt so firmly embedded in the fabric of the 21st century.

Flags

One must have a flag. A flag to signal, first and foremost, that you are a person of national pride. But if you’re going down this road, forgo the Union Jack, it’s far too palatable, too conciliatory. No, if you really want to make a statement, you must go full St George. A stark red cross on white, the choice of those who have abandoned all sense of decorum.

Marble

As seen in all the abandoned palaces of Assad, Gaddafi, and any other leader who eventually felt the wrath of their people =marble. It must be everywhere, with no rhyme or reason to its placement. Walls, tables, chair, just slap a veneer of marble on anything that stands still long enough, and you’ll exude the unshakeable strength of a man who fears nothing (except perhaps democracy).

Gold

Marble, of course, must have its natural bedfellow: gold. And lots of it. Fling it across any and every surface with abandon. Your headboard? Gild it. Your loo seat? Naturally. Your washing machine? Why not. Although, let’s be honest, true strong men don’t use washing machines. That’s a task for someone else, preferably someone unknown, unpaid, and entirely dependent on your goodwill.

If you need inspiration, I’d direct you to Putin’s Palace, the documentary by Alexei Navalny. Not only will you pick up more decorating tips than a Rita Konig Create Academy Course, but you’ll also learn some handy tricks for asset concealment, another essential skill for any Strong Man in training.

Taxidermy

We’ve all seen taxidermy at its best, when done right, it can be a genuine work of art. But in this context, it serves a different purpose: a declaration that empathy has long since left the building. A love of nature, yes, but only when it’s dead and mounted on your walls. If you can’t afford to jet off to Kenya to aim a gun at a majestic animal, fear not. AI may soon offer a workaround for the modern man on a budget, providing you with a picture you can proudly display on your wall and unabashedly flaunt on your socials.

Fur

Few things go together quite like fur and fascism. While many of us have long since turned our backs on this particular brand of cruelty, it seems to be enjoying a renaissance in certain circles. Fashion’s embrace of fur is proof that no trend ever really dies, much like authoritarianism itself. So, if you can drape a fur stole casually over a chaise longue. or better yet, over yourself.

Louis XIV Style Furniture

The Sun King may not have had the look of a modern Strong Man, but beneath the silks and the wigs, he embodied everything today’s autocrats aspire to -Divine Right, Architectural & Cultural Patronage, Control Over the Nobility, Extravagance & Self-Glorification. Sound familiar?

So, it’s no surprise that this particular style of furniture remains a firm favorite among the SM set. If you’re looking for pieces that have already passed the autocrat test, turn your gaze to companies like Pozzoli, the firm credited with furnishing much of Putin’s Palace. A testament to the enduring appeal of gold, grandeur, and the illusion of permanence.

Lavender Marriage

Last, but by no means least, the lavender marriag, one of the greatest shields ever devised for those in the LGBTQ+ community. It has offered protection for decades, allowing people to navigate a world that, at best, turned a blind eye and, at worst, would rather pretend they didn’t exist.

If women’s rights continue their steady march toward The Handmaid’s Tale and the hard-won victories of gay marriage and civil partnerships begin to erode, we may all have to buddy up. I'll throw on some sort of farmer’s shirt and perhaps invest in one of those sleeveless gilet puffers, best to cover all bases. And you, my dear, will have to hold your nose and dive into something hideously feminine. A frilly dress, perhaps even an apron, though let’s not go overboard.

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Dear reader, I do hope I’m being hyperbolic, even hysterical. My mind has been whirling, and I’ll admit, I can’t always see straight—especially with this fog clouding my eyes. So let’s quietly buy our flags but also remember: resistance is always in style.